Trump says he can shoot a guy in Times Square… forcing other candidates to up antes

Home*Trump says he can shoot a guy in Times Square… forcing other candidates to up antes



Imagine for a second the incredible manoeuvres the synapses must negotiate in order for such absurdity to reach the lips of a thinking human being.

What? You can’t? Quitter.

Never mind Trump. The other members of the GOP and Democratic elective pool are now scrambling to keep up with this momentum changer.

Says the lead PR man for Jeb! or as he was known before SuperPac ate his brain… Jeb Bush. “We must top this, because it is imperative and it is right.”

So Jeb Bush is now off on one… “You know like Fuck Donald Trump… I could kick a cat through the streets of South Beach and not adversely affect my poll ratings.”

Good stuff. Marco Rubio is a nice guy…, but comes armed with some Latin potency… “You know Wolf Blitzer… I believe I could punch you right in the nuts right here on CNN Morning… and gather juice in the polls.”

Sarah Palin is running with the pack as well. “Rightio and boogaloo… I could spit on a homeless person in the middle of Waco, Texas and someone would hire me as their next VP!”

“Yeah and I could grab a Wall Street banker by the throat and head butt his sorry noodle into the stone age and I believe I could pop 12 points on Hillary,” says Bernie Sanders.

Chris Christie, never one to deviate from septum says: “Find me a fecking bridge and I’ll blow that bastard up on a holiday weekend and for sure I’m up in the polls by Tuesday!”

Political commentator and Doctor of Political Philosophy Sammy St John Quimby says the gloves are off in this election.

“Every stupid thing that one could imagine happening in the USA has happened in this cycle,” says Dr. Quimby. “Nothing is off the table and political correctness has gone walkabout. A guy like Trump and a guy like Cruz can demand walls, the suspension of immigration based on race and the balkanization of liberalism and it’s all okay.

“That prompts the one-upmanship you see in this latest Trump bloat. ‘I could kill someone and not get hammered in the polls!’ and that’s just illogical.”

Nothing succeeds like success apparently and now we have Dr Ben Carson joining the fray with the foundational pronouncement.

“I believe I could stab Donald Trump at a casino in Atlantic City and become the next president of the USA!” says Carson, although the exclamation mark is obviously an affect which is contrapuntal to Carson’s whole ethos.

I think Carson wins this one.

But it’s not about winning is it. It’s about killing people without compunction, remorse or second thoughts.

It’s about sociopathy. Can I get a Dr. Hare test on this GOP caucus?

By |February 7th, 2016|Columns, Humor|0 Comments

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